The Suck that is Bullying
The truth of the matter is, even when one becomes an adult, if they were victims of bullying as a kid, it will forever stay with them. Throw in having your own kids into the mix and it takes on a whole different level of worrying, trusting in the school system and hoping that your fellow parents are installing good values into their own kids and talking to them about the dangers and wrongs of bullying at home. The once victim remembers quietly and winces when the highlight reel replays in their heads once in a while throughout their lifetime. I think that a lot of people who were bullies don’t remember being one themselves, maybe it’s unconsciously blocked, I don’t know. A lot of the ones I knew growing up have children now and I have wondered if those who do remember being bullies have felt worse about it because they are now parents themselves. They can now fully understand the pain and magnitude of what it does not only to the kids but to the entire family unit. For those who are friends with their once bullies as adults, forgiveness is obtained silently but the memories of it all is still there and I think the only way to move on yourself is to forgive, you HAVE to. Not for them, but for your own peace of mind.
If someone is raising a child that says things like: “you should die” “why don’t you go kill yourself?” and “yes, I believed Rebecca and she killed herself I don’t give a [expletive],” to their peers online, you’re doing an epic job of FAILING as a parent. Why are they not monitoring their 12 and 14 year old kids computers and texts? Why are they not getting to know any of the kids they are hanging out with? Because we live in a society today where if a parent tries to even be a parent, the kids threaten them with running away or calling the cops with false stories of being ‘abused.’ True story, this happens all the time.
Even after the enormous amount of attention the topic of bullying received in recent years, there’s still kids who think it’s perfectly okay to do this. What the hell is wrong with these people?
I’m sick of people saying “Kids will be kids, bullying is normal, it’s a part of childhood…” try telling that to the face of the parents who found their kid hanging from a tree because they just couldn’t take the cruelty any longer.
These aren’t kids, they are monsters.
Even when you become a full fledged adult, the details of cruel words still linger. It’s always the bad things your mind seems to hold on to for dear life. I had a boy in junior high who teased me all the time and would tell me that I was so ugly that he was surprised my parents let me out of the dog cage at home. He added that a bag over my head would be an act of kindness for anyone who would have to look at me at school. He said this in front of all his friends and some under the pressure to look “cool” laughed, but the look in their eyes was of pure shame.
I remember many nights I sat on my bed as a 12 year old just wanting to disappear. I felt like a waste of perfectly good human skin. I also didn’t fit into the whole Asian mold either so I felt alone, trapped only in my thoughts that were never pleasant. I had friends but I felt like a loner. I felt sorry for my beautiful mom to have such an ugly daughter. I felt hatred towards God who created me. My mom would just sit there with me while I cried…not knowing what to do or say cause she had no idea what the hell was going on.
Those feelings lingered for years…but they slowly faded to black when I realized the ones who were bullying me and saying such horrible things were completely broken themselves. When they looked in the mirror, THEY saw ugliness. Most of them came from broken homes and were bullied themselves by their parents or siblings and it was out of pure jealousy that they taunted me and others. But not all of them have that excuse…some kids are just little shits.
I had someone actually apologize to me on facebook and it was surprising and nice but more importantly it was amazing cause they were able to let go of the wrongness they felt for years. They were free and in a sense, my bad history with that person was closed and a part of me became free. A new friendship started and I am grateful to have a continuous dialogue going between us.
So maybe instead of only focusing on the victims and having support groups for them, perhaps we should start gathering the bullies together and instead of punishing and humiliating them, we should try and help them and their families out to become more…human. Not only for themselves, but for the good of society.