Raw Truth about Motherhood: We Need To Calm The Hell Down

Raw truth about motherhood: Lost Count.

I had a dream last night that I got invited to the White House and nanny 911 was going to watch all the kids. We were staying there over the weekend and all the kids were staying in one giant room in bunk beds.

While at dinner listening to Obama (yes, he was still the president in my dream), I got a text from the nanny that Matty wouldn’t go to sleep and was disrupting bedtime.

When I got to Matty, I told him that he had to behave and act like a big boy cause 7 year olds didn’t behave that way.

Matty went to bed and the nanny pulled me aside and said, “Mrs. Kobzeff, let’s not harp on the kids about things that we won’t remember in a year. A 7 year old boy is going to be rowdy and test your limits…he’s full of energy and excitement so when it comes to certain things, let’s be careful in what we say to our kids.”

It’s amazing how even in dreams, there are lessons to be learned. It was humbling and in a big way, woke my ass up and put me in check…as life often does.

We are often times so scared for the future that we harp on the kids to be better and we do it with good intentions on our end but the delivery a lot of times is wrong and can do more damage than good.

I am capable of being so much better than this.
We as parents, are ALL capable of being so much better than this.

With depression and anxiety, it spills over to everything else in your life and it makes you even more impatient about things you never really were before.

My bestie after we went on a family vacation together said to me, “How do you keep up with your kids? They are full of energy from the moment they wake up and they go to sleep. How do you do it?”

Dudes, it’s hard. It’s never ending. Especially for moms who are raising rowdy small kids in their 40’s. But it’s amazing…and it’s fun and such a blessing. The problem is that we often forget the positives that come from being a mother during the difficult times.

I truly believe that God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle…I am steadfast in my trust that out of darkness comes light and when I’ve reached the end of this particular journey, I will not only become a better person but also a better parent.

Who knew that painful and confusing times can make you see and be aware of things you never knew before in such a big life changing way.

The beauty of stepping out of your comfort zone and being open to doing whatever to come out of it stronger and alive, is the authenticity of the good, bad, sad, and ugly in us we have overlooked for so many years.

My therapist said that anytime she says a positive about me, I turn it into a negative. I never ever knew I did this. It was eye opening. I was blind to a lot of things about myself…but now I’m starting to better all the negatives and embrace the good that does exist too.

On a scale of 1-10, I rated myself a 3 when it comes to my views on my looks, my personality, my parenting skills, as a friend, as a SAHM and a spouse.

Maybe my numbers are off but one thing I know to be completely true, is that there is room for improvement and I’m excited, scared and determined to tip that scale and be proud of who I am.

So if your journey right now looks a lot like mine, just know that without battles, there is no progress. There is a reason for every single thing that happens in our lives…and it’s up to us if we want a happy ending or a tragedy.

Keep taking your meds if they help.
Keep going to therapy if it helps.
Play bingo or yoga it up if it helps.

So let’s suit up in our fighting gear…it’s gonna be ugly but there will be peace at the end.

Let’s soldier up and fight for our lives.
There are battles to be won. It’ll come with gnarly scars but let’s keep it real…scars are hot and a great reminder that we fought bravely. 😉

Here’s hoping and praying for a victory for all of us.

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