Proud to be a Prius Driving Ghetto Maintenance Housewife with Velcro Dinosaur Shoes and a Smart Ass Smirk

There has been a lot of articles clogging up my Facebook newsfeed lately about the Uber Rich Housewives living in the East Coast.

Stay at Home “Wife Bonuses”  seem to be a real thing particularly in the Upper East Side.

This excerpt from a fascinating article appropriately titled, “Inside the bizarre life of an Upper East Side Housewife” sums it up beautifully.

“He saw this phalanx of black Escalades parked three feet deep,” she says, “and these super-fashionable women posing and walking and he was like, ‘Oh, my God, something’s going on at Fashion Week that I don’t know about — what is this?’ It was school drop-off.”

The article surprised me…I didn’t think that kind of “Gossip Girl” typle world existed in real life. The cars and Berkin bags don’t surprise me because we have that out here in Orange County too…what surprised me is everything else. And yes, I bet my life these women would look at me with my velcro shoes with Dinosaurs on them and Gap jeans and think I’m crazy and worthless but I would be proud of that. I’d sashay back to my Prius in the sea of Escalades with a big smile on my face.

That’s the thing, I feel sorry for these women who feel like they have to stepford wife it to be happy…and some might be genuinely happy and okay with the arrangement they have with their hubbies but I can’t help but think not all of them truly are. It all seems like a big show…Keeping up with the Joneses on an immaculate level of wealth no mortal human can imagine. The fact that these women are also so insecure about their status in their marriage because they are afraid their husbands will leave them for a younger, tighter, prettier thing is heartbreaking. They may look like perfection but it seems like many of these ladies are broken and giving Oscar Caliber performances. THAT’S what makes me sad. Glass houses.

So it’s not that I’m making fun of these ladies, I just wish that they could live their lives in ways that brought them true happiness where they feel secure and loved even without having to be a certain way to be adored…to be free and not trapped in these “rules” of what they need to do and be to be happy and to earn money from their dudes. That seems more like a business contract than a marriage to me and that is the sad.

It’s true what they say, a lot of money brings with it a lot of problems. Ain’t that the truth.

But whatevs, people are free to do whatever the heck they want… that’s the beauty and dare I say the poopooness that is life. My husband just said “Hey, a lot of these women love their lives, the rules in place…it may seem kind of pathetic to you but the women get exactly what they want out of their marriages, they get to do whatever they want while their husbands are away and they are perfectly happy with it…”

So here’s what I propose, I want to start my own mom gang where the motto will be:

Come as you are with food in your hair and dark circles under your eyes, I don’t give a flying poop what you look like, how rich you are, what you drive, what school your kids attend, what name brand this and that you and your family wears…Let’s go get some tacos and beers in Santa Ana, talk about the little poopoocacaheads who drive us crazy yet we still wholeheartedly adore and then go shopping at Target and Nordstroms Rack and hang out in the bargain isle and pigout on donuts and ice-cream to end a perfectly good day. 

Who’s in?

My street name will be “DonkOC” Dictator of North Korea of the OC.


*Having said what I just did, if you like being an uppity mom it’s all good. I’ll just be here chillin in my Prius with my $65 Hello Kitty bag while you’re in your black escalade chillin with your $10,000 Berkin.


Love you long time,


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