An Open Letter to Mayhem Matty on his 5th Birthday

An open letter to my Matthew on his 5th Birthday.

Dear Matty,

Happy Birthday!!!!

But before we get to the happy fuzzy lovey dovey stuff…let’s keep it real reaaaal for a second…sucka.

Your dad and I used to feel so badly that we did the Bomchickaboomboom where your Birthday would land so close to Christmas but we made a pact and promise you that we will ALWAYS celebrate your Birthday and Christmas separately. You will never get the Birthday/Christmas combo gift from us 😉

I had alllll day can’t keep anything down kinda sickness for the first 5 months you were in my belly but it was allll good because I loved you so much already. You were born on a beautiful rainy day and you were such a good baby from day one. Though you always smelled like sour milk and would have the kind of explosive poop thst would come out of your diaper all the time, you slept wonderfully, you didn’t cry much, you just kinds layed there all fat, cute, quiet and so very chill. Everyone who knew you then said, “Surely, Matthew will be a sweet, quiet, soft spoken and chill child.”


And then you turned 2 and you started getting all kinds of craycray.

You have the sweetest little voice but you are a force to be reckoned with. Like daddy says, you march to the beat of your own crazy drum and you are fiercely your own little manchild… With no apologies.

You have the funniest laugh, the most maniacal giggle and you speak so intelligently yet with the most cutest lisp ever. I’m evil cause I make you repeat words with L’s and R’s in them because you sound funny when you say them…but I can’t help it. I find you so deliciously fun and adorable.

You are just like your dad in most ways but your shortcomings resemble those of your dad AND mom. At the end of the day, we regret not being the kind of parents you deserve most days but know that you are so very loved even when it doesn’t seem like it.

You have a tendency to be stubborn but we hope that your determination to do things right and to try try again will serve you well as an adult.

You are rough around the edges but you have always been since we can remember, a very empathetic and kind human being and I think besides your love for your family, it is the thing we are most proud of and love most about you.

You are also hilarious. Holy mother of God, you make us laugh so hard. Your dark sense of humor and your silly nature keeps us laughing and saying out loud “This is normal, right?” at least once a day.


We are not gonna lie, we are scuuuuured for the “Matty teen years” to come but we know that we will get through everything and anything life throws at us as long as we grow together. For now, let’s just work on not screaming like we are on fire and not horse playing like you are not afraid to die. We’ll worry about the other stuff later when the time comes.

Your love for your brother is incredibly sweet and oh so cute but…BUT…you need to learn to respect your big brother at all times and be kind to him more because mom and dad won’t be around forever to break up the fights and disagreements between you two. So be better. Fight less, work together and compromise at all times…try, try, try. Brotherhood is incredibly special and you are so lucky to have a forever friend and protector.

What a year it’s been for you! Breaking your leg, unexpectedly going into Pre-K (You are doing fantastic!), dealing with reinforced house rules, getting major dental work…dude…you’re such a trooper and you’ve kept mom and dad on our toes big time this year…Not to mention a whole lotta new grey hairs. 😉 But its alllll good…you’ve proven to us that you are such a strong and resilient kid. We’re in awe of you in many many ways.

We love you so much and hope that you continue to grow up strong, healthy, bold, outspoken and so very sweet…


But mostly, we just want you to be ridiculously happy.

Happy with who you are as a person, happy with the people you choose to surround yourself with and happy with the life you make for yourself.

It’s as simple as that.

God bless you and keep you safe…until the very end…like when you’re 90 or 100…either one works for me.

Be good poopoocacahead, there is so much fun to be had for many years to come.

As you always like to say to us,

“Love you forever to infinity times one gazillion times forever and ever plus 100.”

Love you long time our sweet little neurotic boy,


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