A Little Asian Girl Walks into a Costco and Almost Gets Arrested…
I like to think I’m a pretty nice person.
I have friends who call me the Easter Bunny because they think I’m too nice.
I have friends who also say that’s ridiculous cause I’m not that nice.
One truth is, it takes a hell of a lot to get me riled up and fuming.
The last time I was at my cattiest was when I was pregnant and was involved in complete ugliness I’m not proud of.
I haven’t been grossly catty since then because I learned my lesson and my behavior was embarrassing and shameful.
Having said that, this Easter Bunny wanted to do horrible evil things with her Costco shopping cart today.
I ain’t proud but man, what happened to me today was so incredibly ridiculous that I’m still a bit flabbergasted.
I was at Costcoland after a great workout and there were two girls walking in front of me at a super slow pace. I wanted to get by so I said “Excuse me” super nicely with a smile and you know what they did?
They stopped, looked at me from head to toe and said “We don’t think so…” and walked not only slower but in a zigzag manner so I couldn’t move around them. The girl pushing the cart was swinging her ass in her short shorts and they were both cackling and whispering to each other like demented hyenas in heat.
7 things happened in a matter of seconds:
1. I was so shocked that I just stood there not believing what the hell just happened.
2. All I saw was red and I gripped my big ass Costco cart ready to ram into them.
3. I immediately realized that I was giving these silly girls way too much power with the anger that was consuming me.
4. I realized I didn’t want to become a real life character of Orange is the New Black no matter how good the show is.
5. I thanked my parents for teaching me the values of what it means to be a good person.
6. I was grateful that I was a mom of two kids because it’s trained me to be a lot more patient than ever.
7. I thought WWTEBD ( What would the Easter Bunny Do?)
I took a deep breath and I patiently walked behind them down isle 20 and did it the whole way with a big ass smile on my face looking directly at them.
Oh and that simple action, visibly PISSED THEM OFF. I must’ve freaked them out with the deranged look I had on my face because they stopped talking, stopped laughing and stopped zig zagging and started picking up the pace.
You know what kicked in and made me calm my ass down? These wise words from my mother:
“Always try and behave in a manner like your kids are physically with you even when they are not. Don’t behave or say things you wouldn’t want your kids to see, hear, say or do.”
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
That simple reminder was my saving grace from an Orange jumpsuit.
That simple reminder saved the ladies from being run over by an angry little girl.
That simple reminder saved me from landing on the news.
That simple reminder made me realize that these girls were the ones with some serious issues, not me.
Who knows why they did what they did. Maybe they were jealous cause my ass is way perkier than theirs…which it totally is. Maybe it’s because I’m small and look unthreatening to them but what people have to understand is that us personable smiley and nice looking little girls can also be the scariest of them all.
All I could do as someone who loves the Jesus, loves her life and wants to be a good example to her kids is to just pray for people like those girls and shake it off.
That’s all we can really do, right?
I’m taking a 5 minutes dance break to break it down…I’ll be right back.
All I know is that one of these days, they might mess with the wrong girl and will suffer the consequences of their gross behavior.
Thanks for reading, homies.