Wanting a Baby for all the Wrong Reasons
Not gonna lie, I’ve been kinda wanting to have another baby lately.But it’s for all the wrong reasons.I look at my Matty now and he’s no longer a baby. He still has glimpses and parts of him that scream baby but reality is, he’s just turned 4 and he’s growing up…fast. Way too damn fast.I look at his little hands and while they are still chubby, stubby and oh so yummy looking, they are no longer little dimples in sight on his knuckles and his fingers are beginning to look long and thin like his daddy’s.
My Josh, my first TRUE love. Sure, Mike is the love of my life but there is truly nothing like the love you feel for your first born. It’s special…it’s sacred, it’s your first taste of what unconditional love is all about. There is NOTHING like it. We’ve had our battles and there are too many times when I thank God memories fade as we get older because there’s been too many moments where I was a bad mom…the kind of mom this gorgeous little boy doesn’t deserve but he got stuck with me, so even though it’ll be a never ending saga of “I shouldn’t have said that” ” I shouldn’t have done that” and “I shouldn’t have made him feel like that” as long as we’re blessed to be on this earth, we’ll continue this exciting, frustrating and beautiful dance we call being a mother and son. Life goes by way too fast but when you have kids…it’s lightening fast. I need to let go of what was and move forward and leave behind the want for tiny feet, tiny hands and little bodies that need me to survive. It’s coming to terms with the fact that it’s quickly approaching to the time when I won’t be needed as much that kinda kills me. I know being a SAHM has played a huge role in the way I think as well. But not for a second do I ever regret being a SAHM…it’s been an incredible irreplaceable blessing. So many think that being a SAHM is demeaning but let me tell you…in a way, it’s incredibly empowering. Can’t explain it. It just is. So when my Matty wants me to chase him around the house in the role of poopoocacaunderpants zombie, I will be the best poopoocacaunderpants zombie that ever existed. And when Josh wants me to make different farting noises while making the most hideous faces ever and dancing like a fool, I will do it like no one can. Anywho, I gotta quit being a big poopoohead baby and embrace the exciting times and adventures to come. So many more incredible memories to bank and fun to be had. And I know there will be times when things are gonna be rough but through the laughter and tears of building our little family for the last 7 years, if there is one thing that is certain, it’s that I know Mike and I will get through it all and come out stronger every time. Just wanted to share this in case there were other moms out there going through the same thing. Ya know, sitting in the bathroom crying your eyeballs out with snot coming out of your nose. You’re not alone. Mike: Yeah, sorry but no more babies for us, okay? Thanks for listening and love you long long time. |
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