Things my Korean Parents Have Said To Me…

Exhibit A:

Classic Typical Korean mom moment # I lost count:

Mom: Thanks for the pictures yesterday.
Kathy: Fun pics right? They were taken at a Thanksgiving event at the school.
Mom: You and the boys came out so great in the picture. Well, the boys always look perfect in pictures but you, you actually came out super pretty in the pic with Matthew!
Kathy: You’re an evil human being.
Mom: (laughing) You know what I mean! *sigh* I crack myself up.

All my Korean girl-friends be like “Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl…” and all my other Asian friends be like “They allllllllll have verbal diarrhea!”

Exhibit B:

Kathy: Hi mom!
Mom: Hi! We’re in the car on our way to Redwood National Park!
Kathy: Did you eat something?
Mom: Yes, we’re eating right now.
Kathy: Don’t drive if you guys are even slightly tired.
Mom: We know.
Kathy: Make sure to keep your phones charged in case of emergency.
Mom: We brought the chargers.
Kathy: Okay, call me every night so I know you guys are good.
Mom: Ha! The roles have reversed where the kids are worried about the parents now!
Kathy: Hahaha. I’m always worried.
Mom: Don’t worry, we’ll be fine. You’re such a mom…hahaha, that’s good!
Kathy: Have fun on your road trip!
Mom: Okay mom!

Exhibit C:

Mom: I have something important to tell you.
Kathy: What? Is everything okay?
Mom: Don’t let the boys play outside in the dirt, it’s really bad for them.
Kathy: Where did you hear that?
Mom: I just saw it on the Korean news.
Kathy: Mom, they’re boys, they are going to play in the dirt.
Mom: It’s dangerous for them to breath it in…
Kathy: I’m hanging up now.
Mom: No dirt!

Exhibit D:
(You know you’ve lost a good amount of weight when you have a conversation like this with your Korean mother)

Kathy: Hi dad!
Dad: Hello my sweet daughter! What are you doing?
Kathy: Just got home from the gym.
Dad: Wow, you’re going a lot! Hold on, mom wants to talk to you.
Mom: Hi. I just wanted to tell you, don’t lose anymore weight.
Kathy: I’m sorry, what?
Mom: You look good right now, you don’t want to get too skinny.
Kathy: Who is this? Where’s my mom at?
Mom: (laughing) I know what I’ve said in the past but seriously, you look really good right now.
Kathy: Thanks mom. You know Mike lost weight too.
Mom: Yeah but he always looks handsome.
Kathy: Whatever mom.
Mom: But you need to do something about your hair…

Exhibit E:

The day Mike proposed to me, we met up with my parents to tell them the news. They were super excited and sat us down and spoke to us about the important things that make a marriage work and last. After about an hour or so my dad wanted to end the evening with a nice little prayer for us. While we were praying, I felt someone grab my left hand and lift it up so I opened my eyes and it was my mother checking out my engagement ring “discreetly” with one eye open.

Hahahahhahahahaha.
Priorities. 😉

Exhibit F:

Kathy: Hi Mom!! Did you see the pics I just emailed to you?
Mom: I did, the one of you in the big glasses is ridiculous.
Kathy: Oh come on! It’s funny!
Mom: You’re always making faces in pictures. Start wearing some makeup and smile, you have a beautiful smile!
Kathy: I posted the picture on my facebook.
Mom: What? Take it down…You already took those ridiculous Disneyland pictures down a long time ago, right?
Kathy: Nope and the one of me in the glasses is my new profile picture.
Mom: Kyong Hee (my Korean name) ya!
Kathy: Mother!
Mom: Don’t you care what Mike thinks?
Kathy: Mike looks ridiculous in the Disneyland pictures and other pictures all the time too!
Mom: But it’s funny when he does it.
Kathy: Plus Mike says he’s lucky cause I don’t need to wear make-up to look good…he says I look pretty to him as is.
(Pause)
Mom: Ask him what he wants to eat, I’ll make him anything he wants!! What a good husband! I love him!

Exhibit G:

Mom: Kathy, I know I tell you all the time that it’s important for Josh and Matthew to do well in school and attend college…
Kathy: I know, I know, we’re always going to encourage the kids to attend college.
Mom: Fine, but make sure they are also life smart, you understand?
Kathy: We know mom, having a degree doesn’t equal Intelligence in life matters.
Mom: For so long I thought it did but…it doesn’t. Everything is changing and I’m afraid the world will be a very different place when the boys become men.
Kathy: I know mom, we worry too.
Mom: I know too many kids with multiple degrees from amazing colleges and grad schools who are struggling in life and making stupid stupid choices. Their parents who used to constantly show off about their kids have been silent now for so many years.
Kathy: I know I upset you cause I didn’t finish college…
Mom: Yes and I always worried about you but I’m proud of you, you turned out so much better than I thought.
Kathy: Thaaanks?

Exhibit H:

Total Korean mom moments:

1. Don’t go out a lot during the day, you don’t want people to think you’re a floozy. I know you’re not…But some people might…people are crazy, people talk a lot.

2. Mom: Go shopping, you need some real clothes now that you look good, no more GAP or that Target stuff….shop at Macy’s. I’ll take you to Ralph Lauren.
Kathy: It’s ok.
Mom: *sigh*

Exhibit I:

The keeping it real REAL moment:
Mom: Be care, it’s dangerous here in Garden Grove. I wish Asian people would learn to drive.
Kathy: My life flashes before my eyes at least 10 times driving on Garden grove Blvd from Newland to Brookhurst.
Mom: Right?!?!
Kathy: Mom, but WE’RE Asian.
Mom: That’s true. But we haven’t gotten into an accident in many many many years.
Kathy: True story mom, true story.

Exhibit J:

“Kathy, I used to think that doing well in school and going to a great college was the most important thing. I’ve realized that I was totally wrong. Being book smart is great but you can’t survive in this world without being life smart. The smarts to make good choices that will affect every aspect of your life and how you deal with the curve balls life will throw at you without caution. So make sure Josh and Matthew breath that and truly grasp that. There’s no text book or AP class for that so you and Mike have to teach them. Oh, and make sure they take care of their teeth cause I didn’t as a kid and I’m suffering for it now like an idiot. And make sure they love the Jesus. Yep, that’s it. Oh and you shouldn’t eat that cookie, you’ve been looking so good lately…fat doesn’t look good on you…” – The re-edumucation and wise words of Hong Mommy.

Exhibit K:

Mom: Pick a day next week, we’re going shopping.
Kathy: Carter’s is having a great sale right now.
Mom: We’re going shopping for you not the kids.
Kathy: It’s ok, I don’t need clothes.
Mom: (scoffs) No one needs clothes more than you do. This (pointing at all of me) is not good. You need to fix it.
Kathy: Thats not very nice! I’m gonna lose the weight.
Mom: I’m not talking about your weight, I’m talking about the way you dress. Who’s going to tell you the truth besides me. You need to focus on yourself too. This (pointing at all of me) is wrong. I’m getting you new clothes. (Turning to Mike) Next week, you’re watching the kids cause I’m taking Kathy shopping.
Mike: Okay but don’t think it’s me cause I always tell her to buy whatever she wants but she won’t do it.
Mom: That’s going to change, do it for the kids and Mike. Kathy, you have to look good once in a while and not wear the same shirt and jeans everyday.
Dad: And what’s up with your hair, you always tie it up and do the ponytail bun thing, it looks weird.

Exhibit L:

Kathy: Hi dad, we’re bringing over candied yams, stuffing, corn and homemade cookies. Chris is bringing a few dishes too.
Dad: Sounds good.
Kathy: So is mom making ham or Turkey this year.
Dad: Neither, we’re going Korean style and doing Kalbi.
Mike: I have no problem with that whatsoever.
Dad: Of course it no problem, Korean food is the best and my Son in Law is the smartest of all!

Exhibit M:

Hong Mommy: I love love love your haircut, it’s the best I’ve seen so far. You look 10 years younger!
Hong Daddy: You think that cause she’s your daughter. She looks 33 to me.
Kathy: I’m 38 dad.
Hong Daddy: Gross! When did that happen!

Exhibit N:

Mom: Who’s that?
Kath: Henry Cavill.
Mom: What is he, an actor, model?
Kathy: Actor. The New Superman. I think he’s the most handsomest man in the world.
Mom: He’s so handsome but I think George Clooney is better.